why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
