she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize