nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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