sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
