Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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