guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
