is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
