hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He has the fingertips of a God
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