She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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