apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
