Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
