I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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