yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
