I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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