Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
