I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
