butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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