yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
