so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
