I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I checked into jail on foursquare
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize