I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
