Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
