you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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