I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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