I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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