Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
