I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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