My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
