I faked an abortion last night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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