Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
