How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
