he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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