I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
