I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His nipple licking is glorious
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