yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
