my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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