Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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