like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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