you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize