Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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