It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
