Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think i have herpe
just one?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
