You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
