i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
