you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
