Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
