Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
