you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
