I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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