where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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