this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
