I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
