By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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