girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
