Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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