how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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