becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
