Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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