I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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