cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
