4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love you. Go after that dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize