I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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