After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize