Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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