I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
