he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
