He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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