you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
