O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
