CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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