I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
