Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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