Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
