im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
