Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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