"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize